Summer in the Air

My head is in a fog, and my body is tired. I have that “have not eaten right today over exhaustion” feeling where my body is hungry but when I actually eat, I feel ill. The only cure is a good night’s rest at this stage, as the day’s mistakes are unforgiving past a certain point.
But when I look out the window, the promise of summer is in the sky. I can sense it in the air, smell it even. I feel it deep inside me and it fills me with an energy and excitement that momentarily relieves my physical slump. It’s a feeling I haven’t had since leaving the States due to living in countries where one only gets glimpses and shadows of the four seasons.
It is a unique experience, sensing the summer rolling in, when it’s the middle of October. The seasons really are well and truly reversed. I sigh as Jon has left and I know I really need to get up and lock the front door. I just want to sit and let the evening breeze permeate the house as the sun slowly goes down. I don’t want to sit and stress about the fact that “this is South Africa” where you simply can’t leave the doors wide open, unless of course you live behind tall walls with security gates.
We took Phumeza and Noluthandu out to lunch today for Phumeza’s birthday. We went to the Pink Fig as it’s a very relaxed atmosphere and so incredibly child friendly. When I arrived at HDC to collect them, the children all ran up to me with hugs and asked “miss! Miss! Where’s Iona?” and I told them she was out in the car. I was touched. I hadn’t thought they’d miss our presence that much. When I returned to the car, it was surrounded by the kids all peeking in.
. It’s times like this that I feel sorry for people who are reluctant to get involved in mercy ministries. They are missing out. It’s made me want to take Iona more often to play with kids seeing how much they adore her.
So the summer is rolling in and Iona is growing as quickly as the days are heating up. She loves to identify things as “mommy’s daddy’s, or referring to herself, Nanu’s” She notes when there is a plane roaring overhead, and often shuts the front door of the house when that happens. (to keep it from coming inside?) She notes when the whether is “windy” and says “amen” after bedtime prayers. I’m reading a novel at the moment where the mother refers to her daughter as “her little stranger” and it’s often how I feel. It’s so overwhelming to realize you have the care of a totally unique little life for such a comparatively short amount of time. It makes the daily rituals so much sweeter.
So summer is coming. At last….after 7 years of rain.

hdc visit, the kite runner, and Sand Dunes

These days are really going too quickly.
I stopped into HDC this afternoon to wish Phumeza a happy birthday. She looked amazing. She’s had her hair straightened and she looks gorgeous. She’s 21 years old today and she just kept saying “i’m finally old now!” I made her some chocolate brownies and gave her a big hug. I hadn’t seen the girls in over a week and it felt strangely wonderful to be back at HDC on their turf. The place, for all it’s ups and downs still holds a certain wonder about it and there is still a small part of me that could spend every day there immersed in the raw real realities of life in the township. Iona was loving it of course and ate a whole bowl full of rice and enjoyed running around the place again.

I just finnished reading “the Kite Runner” what an incredibly amazing but sad story. I find myself longing to reach out and truly know the people of Afganastan. Then just today I get a letter forwarded to me from a friend’s son who is a missionary there, and a fellow Christian worker was shot this week at close range by the Taliban.

We spent the weekend as a family under a sand dune at the lovely gorgeous Riet River. It was amazing to be right on the sea, even if we were in an incredibly old broken down cottage covered in sand Iona continues to grow and talk more and more…and we’re loving it.

Ok nothing more profound to say, I had hoped there was, but alas nothing has come.

weekend ramblings

Yesterday we woke up bright and early. After getting everyone showered and dressed and pulled away from computer games, we went to indulge in breakfast out at the Pink Fig. I ordered the American Pancakes with plain yogurt and maple syrup, Jon orderd the full english, and we got Iona scrambled eggs on toast with bacon (bacon being a rare treat) We sat out in the sun and enjoyed our filter coffee (jon) and decaf cappuccino (me) while swinging Iona on swings, and smiling as she ambled her way around the vast play area. All this for the grand total of around £6
Jon was in sermon prep mode for preaching the next day at the game reserve so he flitted around between looking after the pool, pacing around, Bible in hand, and zoning out answering people on a theology forum.
I finnished up Phumeza’s CV and drove into the location to visit the girls and let her see it. The day was full of sunshine and I got warm fuzzies we drove into the location. It’s like crossing into a different world, and suddenly I’m back on one of my teenage mission adventures. We got out of the car and settled oursevles down in the girl’s front yard (if you can call it that) while Phumeza looked over her CV some drunken guy came wandering in to tell me how happy it made him to see me in the location and how all the other white people he knew were too afraid, but he could see that I felt comfortable and how great that was. I smiled and Noluthandu and said “I’m just here visiting friends”
Anyway, Iona went to the neighbour’s house and got up to who knows what while I chatted to the girls. I didn’t leave her out of my sights for too long but at the same time I felt relaxed just letting her explore.
I then decided the car needed a wash so we went to the local petrol station where someone hand washes your car, and the insides all get vacumed and cleaned out for….about £2! It was a long queue and Iona and I sat in the car listening to the African Connection on the radio and dancing around. I let her out of her carseat and she cried when the car started getting sprayed. While the car was being vacumed i put her in the pram and we went to Woolworth’s to get apples, plum tomatoes, and cheese. We also stopped off at Preston’s to get Gin and Tonic for Jon…(a huge thing of Gordon’s Dry Gin and a big thing of Tonic water costs a total of £5) and as i dragged Iona inside the off liscense (as she didn’t want to be carried) I suddenly felt like a dodgy parent hauling my child through a liquor store and wondered if the person at the till was thinking I was some alchoholic mother who was going to go home, sit by the pool and down the entire bottle of gin.
When we got home, our pool was full of the neighbourhood children swimming in it! A preview to the summertime! I don’t mind a bit, and am glad to see it being used. However, Iona cries whenever anyone jumps in. This could be a problem. Maybe my mom will teach her how to swim when she comes to visit.
We then had a bit of a fiasco when Jon needed to borrow my phone because he ran out of credit. We coulnd’t find my phone and I had to get in the car and retrace my steps. The girls at the car wash were a bit defensive when i asked them if they’d seen it and I felt embarassed having to ask them. I bought some credit for Jon and then when I got home, I rang my phone from his, and some older guy answered it. He had picked it up in Woolworth’s and said he’d tried ringing my mother to find out who the phone belonged to! I dread to see how much credit that call ate up! However it happened that he lived just down the road from me so I threw Iona in the pram and we walked to his house to collect it. He was your archetypal south african man in his 50’s quite pleased with himself for finding my phone and letting me know that it was a good thing he kept it as the “bl…people at woolworth’s wouldn’t have given it back”
Today while telling the girls about this adventure on our way to church, Phumeza said “he’s right, they wouldn’t have!! ha ha” it amazing me how the blacks often are more harsh on themselves than anyone else.
After church we went back to the game reserve to preach. Jon did a great job preaching out of Phillipians on “Whatever Happens….conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel” and he really unpacked it..the whole “whatever happens” and what it means to conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the gospel. I think it spoke to the fountain vineyard crowd more than anything….as they are still hurting and processing obviously. Today during the worship Sharne played “The Lord is gracious and compassionate” and I felt myself welling up a bit, knowing it was one of his favourite songs….

So there goes the weekend Iona is down for the night and I’m finally getting some time online….Oh yes, and tonight as I was putting Iona to bed, I held her close and prayed for her and after i said “amen” she said in her little voice “awen” and it was the cutest thing ever!

precious

Today started out with thunder and lightening and Iona dancing and attempting to sing along to “Cry Cry Cry” by Johnny Cash. All the while standing on a chair.
She is precious….to quote the favourite descriptive word of my friend Charmaine.
The events of the last week have reminded me just how precious my family is. So often it’s easy to get complacent. To focus on the imperfections, the hard bits, the things I wish were different, and dwell in a real pool of negativity and dissapointment. But the truth hit me in the face last week, when I realized what I have is so precious, and how quickly you can lose something…without realizing fully what you’re losing.

Family vs. Crowd

Not much to write really. There are no words.
Much has happened and changed in the last week.e To put it into words in a public blog would be wrong. Things with us, things around us…don’t worry though, as a whole we are fine.

I must say today I was in awe really of the family of God. I witnessed such pain and hurt, total brokennes, anger, shame, fear, and saw many tears, but in the midst of it, there was unconditional love, mercy, grace, and arms outstretched to those who were hurting and to those who had brought hurt to others.
From where I was standing, I witnessed a family coming together in grief. Where a crowd who simply prefered the same style of worship music may have run, the family came together. It was incredibly terrible but incredibly awesome all at the same time.

sore ankle

I’ve been so grumpy today. I think among some of the heavier things going on in our lives right now, the thing making me the most grumpy is the fact that yesterday, while at someone’s lovely house for lunch, I killed my ankle as i jumped up from my seat and tried to leap over a bunch of stuff to get to Iona who had pulled a bowl off the person’s countertop. So i’ve been hobbling around today and the realization has dawned on me that now that I’m a mother, I really don’t get that chance to just “rest it” or “put my feet up”. It simply doesn’t happen!
Jon bought me a little ankle brace type thing and hopefully it’ll feel better tomorrow. Meanwhile I’m surviving.

So I read “The Shack”

I’ve finally gotten around to reading “The Shack” I’m always a bit late to the party on these things. Apparently it’s been high in the book charts in the states for the last two years. A friend here lent it to me, and it was a real pleasure to read. I agreed with Michael W. Smith’s review “we laughed, cried, and repented of our lack of faith!” all the way through.
Of course it’s one of those books some people have loved to jump on and freak out about….some Christian book stores have refused to carry it. (wierdos) and then there are those in the mainstream media that have simply shrugged and rolled their eyes at it. I will try not and jump on the bandwagon and tell every living soul that they “must” (our favourite little south african imperitive) read the book, however, I will say that I read it and I found it like water to my soul, that it was almost therepeudic, and that it has brought me closer to the God that I realize I know so little about.

So for all my friends out there, no matter where you’re coming from or where you’re at in life, or what you believe, I’d say, read it with an open mind, and if you’re anything like me, you’ll laugh and cry and won’t be able to put it down.

Halfway There

I made a really yummy curry tonight. Chickpea and Coconut. It was soooo good! I also made a chicken one but that one was pretty standard….it was fun having another vegetarian over for dinner
Noluthandu babysat for me yesterday and Iona didn’t cry once! In fact she didn’t even ask for me or miss me at all!! She loves her “ce ce” so much…..her whole face just lights up whenever she sees Noluthandu. It makes me happy on one hand but then sad to realize that we are already more than halfway through our time here!!! Jon was online today researching the job market back in the UK and it just seems a bit unreal that in less than six months we will be back there and this place here, which has become our total reality for the last six months will fade into a dreamlike memory….much like what i have of Ireland these days. However, sometimes when I can’t sleep, or when I have a long drive ahead of me, I sometimes retreat into the deep parts of my mind and bring it all back. It’s there….and still very much a part of me, as I know this year will be.
Last night we enjoyed an evening out at a friend’s house, the people who are looking after us on the marriage course. It’s at times like that that I want to forget that i’m only here for another six months. I was to stretch out and settle in and pretend i’m never going to have to say another goodbye….
Someone asked me a few days ago “I imagine you don’t really feel like connecting to people since you’re only here for a short time” and I said “actually, we want to connect with people because we are here for just a short time and we need people! it’s other people who don’t want to connect with us because they see us as just passing through!” She realized she’d never thought of it that way before.
In the mean time though, we are blessed, we continue to reach out and there are some great people who have reached out to us as well.

So here we go into the next five months……..

family news and guilty feelings

We are back from Gariep (still have no idea how to say it, today when i told someone we were back from there they said “oh! I thought you said you were back from being raped!!) nice.
Ok on that note, we are indeed back and it’s great to be back in our little house. Although I grumbled a bit when we got back about the state of the place as we’d left in such a rush, within 2 hours it was sparkling again, (Jon even helped with the floors) and after putting the baby to bed we settled down to a BBC period drama “The Other Boleyn Girl” with one of our favourite actresses, Natalie Porteman. It was fun to lose ourselves in the drama of early English history and be reminded that evil and corruption are certainly nothing new.
Phumeza and Noluthadu are a bit missing in action at the moment. I hope to connect with them this week. I miss them.
Overal the conference was very good. We really enjoyed it as a family. There was plenty of down time but I even managed to get something from the sessions while keeping an eye on Iona. So it was a week well spent in my opinion.
The weather is still a bit chily. We have these teaser summer days but overal, it’s still early spring weather and very windy as usual.
Iona is fine, although she is becoming prone to meltdowns when she’s tired, hungry, or just overstimulated, or simply can’t contain whatever emotion is rushing through her little being. I thank God for breatfeeding. Plain and simple. Nothing beats it!

I am often asked if I could stay here forever. One thing that would always bother me if we were to say here is the guilt. It’s hard to live with.
Every time I purchase something at a till, whether it’s our weekly shop, or just a bottle of shampoo, as I dig through my wallet for the right change, I am always concious of the person working behind the till. I always think they must think I’m so spoiled as I hand over a 50 rand note (£3.50) to pay for something. I just feel so self concious and I can’t help but be reminded of how much I have in comparision to what they have. Yesterday I pulled in to Woolworth’s to quickly buy some airtime and some sweet potatoes, but I always struggle with looking the parking attendants in the eye as I scramble for a parking space. There they are out in the cold collecting 1 and 2 rand tips for keeping an eye on the car, while i am seen to be shopping in one of the countries top stores. It’s just….not easy to stomoch. It’s not as cut and dry as I’m rich and they are poor….in reality. But…I guess I never want to really get used to the way things are. I want to remain uncomfortable with it…because it helps me keep perspective.

Day two in Gariep

We are two days into the National Vineyard Leader’s conference out in the middle of nowhere in this place i cannot pronounce called “Gariep”
Iona did splendidly on the six hour drive out here. She has done amazignly well considering her routine is out, her surroundings are new, and everything is upside down. We are sharing a challet with another couple with two small children so she is loving the company. Of course I totally freaked out when she didn’t want to take a nap and Jon had to calm me down and take her for a drive. I so lose total perspective at the first sign of a sleepless child. I need to chill.
She went to the “children’s challet” for a little bit, although I am nervous about leaving her there as I’m afraid she’ll get fed marshmellos, frosting, and Marie biscuits the whole time. I try not to be too much of a food nazi but she has had a bit of a nasty cold and she is in a new place so I don’t fancy her getting sick or being up all night.
We are enjoying the conference though. Costa Mitchell has some truly brilliant things to say about leadersihp and there is this really cool speaker from Costa Rica. It’s been a bit of a glimpse into the wider Vineyard family. It’s also a good chance to practice hospitality to the poor souls who have to camp!!